Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Sad heart

I don't want to rehash everything that happened, but yesterday was so hard.

My dad, in addition to having small-cell lung cancer and COPD, suffers from Alzheimer's Disease. I think in his mind he still feels 40 years old, and thinks he can still do the things he used to. This just isn't the case. It's not safe for him. Yesterday was a day when it all boiled to a head again, and there was lots of yelling, crying, etc. It was awful. And now, I just feel...empty and numb. I'm still sitting on the couch in my pajamas, and it's 1:45 in the afternoon. I have no classes today, so I slept in after a pretty sleepless night. I got up, ate a HB egg, started dinner and ran the dishwasher.

And now, here I sit. I'm just...sad.


The Skinny on Staci said...

:( I'm sorry. Alzheimer's is a cruel thing. My grandmother had it badly. One time she lost her car! After this, we had to tell her it was "in the shop" and she was never allowed to drive again. She hated us for it. Anyway, it's just a hard thing to go through. (((hugs)))

Julie said...

Oh Girlie...I'm so sorry.

You and Patrick have done the most wonderful thing for your parents: giving them a family, and being there for them. You've had time with them that has made all the difference in the world to their wellbeing, and happiness. You are giving your father a safe place to be sick...and your mother the support she needs to get through this.

Hang in there and don't forget, that being grown up is hard. Watching our parents age is hard. And more for you than anyone, because you did the brave thing and gave them a soft spot to fall. It only hurts if it means something to you. Your parents are precious.

Hang in there!