So. I've kinda fallen off my healthy eating bandwagon. Not even kinda fallen off. I've fallen off. I ate Cheetos for breakfast today.
For the past couple (3?) weeks I just haven't been able to care. I wanted to eat crap. I wasn't being defiant. I wasn't really upset about anything...I just wanted to eat junk.
My school schedule is such right now that all of my classes are on ONE day per week. This means with a bit of homework and studying...essentially I have six days a week "to myself." Now, I have a family, and pets, and elderly parents living here...but you know what I mean.
I have been thinking a lot about my habits lately. Not necessarily doing anything about them...but thinking. Today, a few things became clear to me.
- I eat out of boredom.
- I eat for "fun."
- I'm lazy and like others to prepare my food.
- Diet Coke is a "gateway drug" for me.
Anyway. I've always known I eat when I'm bored. It kind of goes hand-in-hand with the eating for fun, and Diet Coke ones, actually. I think a big problem for me is that eating and food are entertainment for me. This isn't rocket science...but wow. Food is supposed to be NUTRITION, not a pass-time. My negative self-talk has been going crazy while I've been thinking about all this.
"Who wants to eat fruits and vegetables all the time?" "But what will I eat for fun?" (STOP RIGHT THERE, SELF!!! Food's not SUPPOSED to be fun. It's supposed to be food.) "But I don't want to drink water with breakfast." "I'm gonna miss all my favorite foods." "Well, you can still eat them on your free days."
Ugh. I see so much wrong in there.
How do I go from seeing the wrongness to implementing and LIKING the process of healthy choices?
Patrick asked me to go to the grocery store today. We got paid yesterday, and I don't have school today. But I was not looking forward to it. I kinda hate grocery shopping. I never know what to buy. I always worry about the cost of healthy foods, so tend to stick to the "cheaper" choices. As P was leaving for school, he gave me a brochure that someone in his speech class had given him. (They had to do a persuasive speech, and this guy did his on the benefits of Paleo eating. His handout was a week of menus and a shopping list. Patrick and I have both expressed an interest in Paleo. It makes sense to us.) So anyway. Patrick gave me the list and said "Maybe this will give you some inspiration."
I sat and read over it. And I liked it. It made me think of some of the stuff I've pinned on Pinterest, but done nothing with. Before I knew it, I was at my computer, pulling up recipes. Then I putting together a detailed shopping list. I got everything on my list, and nothing more. And it came to $104, which I think is pretty darn good. The least healthy thing I bought was pepperoni, which is for a recipe. I also gone one box of crackers for Shannon, since she likes to occasionally eat cheese and crackers for a snack.
It feels good. Tomorrow I'm going to prep the food, and create freezer-to-crockpot meals. I think this will relieve some of my "I HATE TO PREP FOOD" issue that I run into daily. If I spend 60-90 minutes prepping food tomorrow, I'll be basically done for the WEEK. That's a good thing.
So now, where am I? I know in my heart that the way I've been eating is not good for me. I know that the excuses I give myself are BS. I *WANT* to be fit and healthy. And the kicker is...I know how to get there! The speed bump is MY BRAIN.
I guess what I'm realizing is that I'm addicted to food, and addicted to Diet Coke. That I can't just ASSume that I'll "wake up" and do the right thing. That this is going to be have to be a purposeful, daily decision. And that I'm worth it.