Straight Talk

This may be long.

So.  I've kinda fallen off my healthy eating bandwagon.  Not even kinda fallen off.  I've fallen off.  I ate Cheetos for breakfast today.

For the past couple (3?) weeks I just haven't been able to care.  I wanted to eat crap.  I wasn't being defiant.  I wasn't really upset about anything...I just wanted to eat junk.

My school schedule is such right now that all of my classes are on ONE day per week.  This means with a bit of homework and studying...essentially I have six days a week "to myself."  Now, I have a family, and pets, and elderly parents living here...but you know what I mean.

I have been thinking a lot about my habits lately.  Not necessarily doing anything about them...but thinking.  Today, a few things became clear to me.

1. I eat out of boredom.
2. I eat for "fun."
3. I'm lazy and like others to prepare my food.
4. Diet Coke is a "gateway drug" for me.

Ouch.  Reading that list makes me feel like crap.  Can I just grow up already?!?

Anyway.  I've always known I eat when I'm bored.  It kind of goes hand-in-hand with the eating for fun, and Diet Coke ones, actually.  I think a big problem for me is that eating and food are entertainment for me.  This isn't rocket science...but wow.  Food is supposed to be NUTRITION, not a pass-time.  My negative self-talk has been going crazy while I've been thinking about all this.

"Who wants to eat fruits and vegetables all the time?"  "But what will I eat for fun?"  (STOP RIGHT THERE, SELF!!! Food's not SUPPOSED to be fun.  It's supposed to be food.)  "But I don't want to drink water with breakfast."  "I'm gonna miss all my favorite foods."  "Well, you can still eat them on your free days."

Ugh.  I see so much wrong in there.

How do I go from seeing the wrongness to implementing and LIKING the process of healthy choices?

Patrick asked me to go to the grocery store today.  We got paid yesterday, and I don't have school today.  But I was not looking forward to it.  I kinda hate grocery shopping.  I never know what to buy.  I always worry about the cost of healthy foods, so tend to stick to the "cheaper" choices.  As P was leaving for school, he gave me a brochure that someone in his speech class had given him.  (They had to do a persuasive speech, and this guy did his on the benefits of Paleo eating. His handout was a week of menus and a shopping list. Patrick and I have both expressed an interest in Paleo.  It makes sense to us.) So anyway.  Patrick gave me the list and said "Maybe this will give you some inspiration."

I sat and read over it.  And I liked it.  It made me think of some of the stuff I've pinned on Pinterest, but done nothing with.  Before I knew it, I was at my computer, pulling up recipes.  Then I putting together a detailed shopping list.  I got everything on my list, and nothing more.  And it came to $104, which I think is pretty darn good.  The least healthy thing I bought was pepperoni, which is for a recipe.  I also gone one box of crackers for Shannon, since she likes to occasionally eat cheese and crackers for a snack.

It feels good.  Tomorrow I'm going to prep the food, and create freezer-to-crockpot meals.  I think this will relieve some of my "I HATE TO PREP FOOD" issue that I run into daily.  If I spend 60-90 minutes prepping food tomorrow, I'll be basically done for the WEEK.  That's a good thing.

So now, where am I?  I know in my heart that the way I've been eating is not good for me.  I know that the excuses I give myself are BS. I *WANT* to be fit and  healthy.  And the kicker is...I know how to get there!  The speed bump is MY BRAIN.

I guess what I'm realizing is that I'm addicted to food, and addicted to Diet Coke.  That I can't just ASSume that I'll "wake up" and do the right thing.  That this is going to be have to be a purposeful, daily decision.  And that I'm worth it.