Another way of looking at it

I was talking to Patrick this morning about "quitting" the Shred challenge, etc.

He said "Babe, instead of feeling bad about "quitting," why not feel GREAT that you've exercised 4-5 times a week for the last 3 weeks? That's fantastic!"

Um. Wow. Yeah, why DON'T I do that? He's so smart.

Not a quitter...but

I love doing The Shred. And I love the results it's bringing. But I have to be honest...it's a bit too intense of a work out for me right now. I know the people on The Biggest Loser show are even less in shape and I am, and work out harder and longer than this DVD...but I'm not them. I still have a family to take care of, and a job to go to, etc...and I don't have massage and physical therapists to take care of me each night. Each time I do the DVD, I physically hurt and feel run down for days afterward.

I am going to work on building my fitness level and stamina by doing my elliptical machine and walking. I think I may even throw in some Shred workouts once or twice a week, because I really do love them.

I am wanting to continue to work out and get healthier...but trying to force myself to Shred EVERY day is actually having the opposite effect!

I hope you all will continue to support me...but I'm sorry to drop out of the 30 Day Challenge.

Truth

So, this 30 Day Shred is giving me more than a physical workout. I don't know if I was in denial going in or what...but I'm getting just as rigorous a MENTAL workout going through it, too.

Truth #1: I didn't work out yesterday or the day before. I had hit the wall. Seriously. I am still dealing with this issue at work, and I think I'm going through the grief process. I've been having disbelief, sadness, shock, anger, etc. It's grueling. Then, I got my period, and anyone that knows me, knows they tend to knock me out. I just had NOTHING left to give. I know that's "technically" not the right answer, but it is what it is. I am trying to make a life-long change here, and in reality, I'm just not going to be able to work out every single day.

The good news is: I got back on the horse today. Day 13 is done and in the bag. The other good news is that Level 2 is getting much more manageable for me. It's soooo hard, and I think I'm going to die while I'm doing it, but I AM DOING IT.

Doing the Shred is so hard. I really think that gearing myself up mentally to work THAT HARD physically is part of the problem. At least for me. I suppose in reality it's just as easy as "pushing play" and getting started. But to know how hard I'm about to have to work, and how deeply I have to pull to get through it...it's tiring! When this 30 days is over, I really feel like I will have accomplished something.

Need support

So, today's Shred Day 14...and I'm at the point where I just don't wanna. I know I should, and to be honest, I most likely will. But, I just really need a cheerleader, or a kick in the pants, or something.

Three is better than two

I just love three day weekends. They're soooo much better than your standard two day weekend. First you have a total DO NOTHING day. Then you get your busy errand day, and finally your church and get ready for the week day! Just perfect. Ahhhh.

Today was nice. E and E were here all day. We played barbies, horses, Lego Batman for Wii, built a huge fort, had a pampas grass battle in the front yard, colored with sidewalk chalk, and read books! Phew!

I am one of five girls supplying lunch for our preschool staff meeting tomorrow, so after they left, Patrick and I made 15 POUNDS of taco meat and two dozen chocolate cupcakes. We grocery shopped and worked out, too! No wonder I'm tired!!!

Today's Shred (Day 12) was hard, but manageable! Yay! I was planning to go back to Level 1 today, but I decided at the last minute to push through and stick with Level 2...and surprisingly, I was better able to keep up! No cursing, and no crying! Woot!

Feeling the burn

Holy cow. I did my Shred (Day 11) workout pretty early this morning. Well, at 10:30, but early compared to when I've been doing it. It was so hard, I actually almost CRIED at one point, lol! Just out of sheer exhaustion! Makes me understand a little more what the Biggest Loser contestants must be going through, and why we see them cry so often in the gym. I'm only working out for 20 minutes, and they're going for hours and hours! I honestly can't imagine.

It makes my heart full to see things like De-Lurk for Haiti and Helping Haiti in the blogosphere. I don't have much money to help out, but generous people like this, help me make it do more. Thank you!!! Even if you've donated...but especially if you haven't, please check out these blogs (and the McLinky on De-Lurk for Haiti) to comment, etc. which will raise funds to be donated to Haitian relief efforts.

We have the day off tomorrow for MLK Day, but I'm watching E and her brother (also E) from 8:15 to 3. Gotta think of some fun stuff to do. Will go donate blood after that.

10 Days complete!

I finished my 10th day of The Shred today. I went ahead and moved up to Level 2, because I just couldn't bear doing Level 1 one more day in a row, lol! I may go back and forth between levels 1 and 2 this week and next. Level 2 severely kicked my butt, so I'm not sure I'll be up to level 3 in 10 more days. I may do that next month. (I am planning to Shred again after these 30 days are over.)

Level 2 is INTENSE, but I liked the workout better. Well, all except those alternating lunge/pendulum lift things. I actually cursed out loud during those! LOL!

I have to say, I don't see any difference in my body, looking at my Day 1 and Day 10 pictures, and I've only lost 1 pound...but I feel different. Inside my flab, I feel my muscles are tighter and definitely stronger. My goal for the next 10 days is to do better with my eating/snacking, and to consistently drink more water. (I did pretty well with my water intake, but I could do better.) In my defense, my eating wasn't horrible either, in fact it was OK. But there is definite room for improvement.

My weight this morning was 207, which is -4 from New Year's Eve. I didn't take measurements when I started, so I didn't today either. LOL. The pictures are shown before, then after...before, then after.

Taking a day off

My body just feels exhausted. I'm taking a break from Shredding tonight. I think I'm still fighting off this cold, and I just reeeeally don't need to be sick. I'll hit day 10 hard tomorrow, and take some pics. I HOPE there's a difference! The scale's not doing much, but hopefully I LOOK a little tighter.

Quite a day

I got some really shocking news at work today, and it's kind of thrown me for a loop. I can't really reveal too much, because I work with children, and I'd hate for someone involved to stumble upon my blog and know I was talking about them. Mostly, my feelings are hurt and I kind of feel like I've been slapped in the face. My heart hurts for the child involved. (My boss is involved, and she is on "my side," so no worries about that...it's just not a nice feeling.)

And then, Patrick and I had our appointment this afternoon, and things are OK...but we have some big decisions to make. I know I'm being cryptic here too, and I know it's my blog, and if I can't let my feelings out on my own blog, where can I? But again, this is just something I don't feel like I can broadcast freely. We're OK...just in the deep thoughts, and big decisions mode.

So, it's just been a heavy sort of day. Blarg.

I did my Day 9 Shred tonight, and it was easier than the past two nights. I'm actually looking forward to moving on to Level 2 on Saturday, because I HATE those lunge/bicep curls. It's not because they're hard (which they are), but I just don't feel like I'm doing them right! It's annoying! LOL! I checked my weight this morning, and it was UP 2 lbs, which was kind of a bummer, but I think I know why...and there's not much I can do about THAT, lol.

I need to get up and tidy up around here a bit. I am watching E after school tomorrow. Shannon's got pep band after school, and then a sleep-over...so it should be a nice relaxing night at least!

Back in the saddle

Monday was Day 7. I skipped yesterday, so I considered today Day 8.

Patrick attempted to Shred again, although he had to stop in the middle. Tonight was a tough one. I don't know if it's because I was sick yesterday, or if I exercised too late in the evening again, but I just didn't have as much energy. I had to really push to get through it. But I did it!

I think I need to really focus on getting my workout in before dinner time. If I wait until after dinner, I'm just too worn out to exercise that intensely. Tomorrow, Patrick and I have an appointment at 3, so I need to work-out right when I get home from work. Well, actually...I'm not sure how that will work. I tend to get home around 1:30 and we'll need to leave around 2:15. That's not enough time to work-out, and get cleaned up again. I'll figure it out, lol.

I'm gonna go hit the shower and head to bed.

Hmmm

I'm sitting here across the room from Shannon's guinea pig...and I can hear her breathing all the way over here. It doesn't sound labored or pained...it's just loud. She's not a "young" guinea pig (we've had her since Shannon was in 3rd grade), so I wonder if this is an aging thing.

I shredded tonight, and it was better than last night. Today is Day 7...so I've been at this a week! I know it's too soon, but I wish I could see a difference somewhere. That's what REALLY motivates me. I'll take some pictures on Day 10. I wonder if I'll see any changes. I still really have a hard time with that set of jumping jacks / jump rope. I have NO idea why it's' so hard for me, but it's like my quads (the part directly above my knee...not further up my thigh) just seize up. So strange! I can do the jumping jacks early in the work-out, and I can do the full 2 minutes of cardio at the end...it's just the middle section that gives me fits. Definitely odd.

I had an interesting revelation last night at Bible Study...I think it's probably a "touchy" subject, and I absolutely mean no disrespect or to make sweeping generalizations...it's just what I've experienced.

So, our Bible Study is merging with another...and the pastor of the church we'll be merging with came to meet with us afterward. After the meeting-talk, things just kind of shifted into chit-chat. He (an older man...in his 70's) was talking about how conservative he is, and how "the church" needs to be that way, and how "we" need to be careful not to become complacent (liberal). Now, out of respect, I kept my mouth shut, but let me just share that I was born and raised in California. I am becoming more conservative as I age, plus living here in the South is taking it's "toll" (haha) on me as well. But suffice it to say, I'm still quite liberal in many ways.

And now, for a little background story. I grew up in the United Methodist Church. I was active in church activities through my childhood and high school. During my college years I slacked off, but began attending again after college, and especially after Shannon was born. I grew up with the notion of Hell being "where you go if you're evil," and really the only idea of Satan/The Devil I had was that silly saying "the devil made me do it." In middle school, I went through confirmation, and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Here in GA, we are members of and regularly attend a United Methodist Church.

Now, about a 10 months ago, I started really going through a spiritual change. After Patrick's accident, my life just changed a lot, and through no conscious decision, I just sort of started slipping away. I was so devoted to taking care of Shannon, Patrick, our home, my job, our pets, etc...that I forgot to take care of me. A dear family friend (DM) reached out to me, and basically offered me a life line. He is a wonderful (and extremely educated) Christian mentor to me. In some of our talks/studies he would talk about "the enemy" and finally I had to ask him straight out...because I didn't know what he was talking about, lol. We had to have a couple very serious talks about Satan/Hell.

So...on to my "revelation." Listening to this pastor talk and share a story last night, it finally dawned on me. I was brought up in a very liberal state, and in my experience you "accept Jesus as your Lord" and follow him...and live a good life. Here in the South, you are "saved." But being saved connotes being saved FROM something...ie: Satan or Hell. This had never occurred to me that my physical, geographical upbringing would have anything (or so MUCH) to do with my evolving religious/spiritual beliefs. I mean...I've been in the United Methodist Church basically my entire life...and yet from coast to coast, from liberal to conservative...the methods of "religious education" are vastly different.

Let me just say again, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It was not my intention to make sweeping generalizations of "liberal Californians" or "conservative Southerners"...more just to note this observation I had.

I've been Shredded

So, today was Day 6 of the Shred, and so far it was the hardest. A few things were different, and that could be the issue. I worked out a lot later today, and didn't have dinner first. I just felt completely wrung out, and like I wanted to quit the whole time. I felt fat, and weak. Ugh! I pushed through, and finished...so that's good. But yuck. I hope tomorrow is better.

Feeling blessed

It's a nice day today.

Slept in, and Patrick took Shannon to Girl Scouts. (It's officially cookie time! Aaaack!) While she was gone, I did my prep for Bible Study tomorrow night. The snow is melting outside in the sunshine, but it's still chilly (33 degrees) outside.

Patrick came home and laid down to rest his poor head. He napped for a bit, while I tidied up the kitchen. I was going to wake him up when it was time to go get Shan, but his Dad called about 45 minutes before that time. They talked for a few minutes, and then P said "Well...so much for my nap. Let's go Shred." Whoa. And so, we shredded!

Now, Shan is home, and the two of them are working on dinner. We're having a beef roast with potatoes and mushrooms.

Today is officially "Let's Take Down Christmas" day. As soon as dinner's in the oven, we're hitting the attic.

Snow Day Shred

Today was a snow day! Woohoo! I'm a preschool teacher, so whenever our county schools call a snow day, our preschool follows suit. Shannon, of course, was super excited. Her BFF invited her to come over (before the roads got icy) to play in the snow, and sleep-over.

Patrick and I got up today, and once the sun came out and started to dry a bit of the roads, we went for a drive. We've always loved to go for rides in the car together, so this has become something of a tradition for us. (I'll also give a little more background here...since I have some new readers. Patrick and I dated in high school, and married one year after I graduated. This July will mark our 20th wedding anniversary. Three years ago, Patrick was injured in a car accident was is now considered permanently disabled. He deals with terrible daily pain. The past few years, in addition to trying to find relief for him, have been a tremendous journey in redefining who he is, what our roles are, etc.)

As we were heading out, we were going to stop for lunch. I said "There's Arby's, Chick-Fil-A, and Sonic...which do you want?" And he said "Which one is healthier?" My downfall is that I wasn't even THINKING healthy food...I was thinking "FUN! Snow Day Food!" So I said "Well, Chick-Fil-A has good char-grilled sandwiches. We could have that." And so we did! I thanked him for encouraging us to make a good choice.

Anyway. We picked up Shan on the way home, and then P and I took a nap. LOL! Again...gotta love a snow day. When we got up, I knew it was time to Shred. I encouraged Patrick to do it with me. (More background: Due to his disability, he's gained a lot of weight over the past three years. Probably about 80-ish pounds. It's very hard for him to do physical things, plus he spends a lot of time lying down, just trying to deal with his pain.) He said he would try it!

For me, Day 4 was a mixed bag. My legs felt really heavy, but I had more energy to push through the cardio. It's neat to feel my endurance increasing. Like I said yesterday, I can also feel that my muscles are getting stronger, it's just still hiding under the jiggle.

Patrick did great for his first try! He had to take a lot of breaks, but he kept getting up and trying again. The last 2 minute cardio bit, he had to just march in place...but I am so proud of him for doing it!!!

Bring on Day 5.

Snowy Shred - Day 3

So, my snow has started...yippee!!! Let it snow and snow and snow!

While Patrick went to pick up Shannon from school I did day 3 of The Shred. I felt sluggish getting started, but found that I had a bit more endurance, and didn't have to stop and gasp at all. I was definitely panting...but I didn't have to stop to catch my breath. I did have to do that quick knee raise thing a few times during jump rope, but I really think that is due to muscle fatigue, and just a quick stretch gives me more circulation there.

So now, my hard work is done...and I get to just sit and watch it snow.

Now that January 6th has come and gone, I *could* take down my Christmas tree, but I think I might wait til this weekend. It snows so rarely here, I just want to enjoy it!

Oh, oh, oh! I weighed in at 208 today! That's 3 pounds gone in a week.

Day 2 DONE

I did my day 2 workout, and while it was hard and painful...I was able to do a lot more of it. I didn't have that "Oh my God, I'm going to collapse" feeling. And I was thankful.

I think the hardest thing for me is all the stuff where I have to propel myself off the floor. I'm fine with them at first, but very quickly my quads feel like they're just not going to hold me up. I found that when I get that feeling, if I pull each knee up to my chest, I'm then able to continue with the exercise. I don't know if they're just overworked, or if it's a kind of cramp? Or if I'm just a wuss. But I was able to do a lot more today.

I don't have to go to work tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited about it for a couple reasons. 1) I get to sleep in. I LOVE SLEEP. I could marry sleep. 2) I called in a sub to teach for me because my daughter is in her school spelling bee....very cool. 3) It's supposed to snow tomorrow! I have a lot of new readers, so you probably don't know...but I am THE BIGGEST weather dork alive. I think I'm 8 years old inside.

Anyway, tomorrow's gonna rock, and I can't wait!

The decision to Shred

So, I've been seeing all these bloggers starting the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I've heard it's incredibly hard, but I also have seen their before/after pictures...and they're amazing. I was going to watch said bloggers, just to see how it went, etc. But the funny thing about that, is that it kept popping into my head..."you could do it too, y'know." I knew my subconscious would not be satisfied. So finally today, I gave in and bought the DVD and some hand weights. Today begins The Shredding of Cindy. Pray for me!

OK, this time for sure!

I'm not a loser...I'm really not. I think I just had a false-start. I think I'm just still in vacation mindset, but since I'm going back to work tomorrow, it will be easier to get on track. Suffice it to say, I didn't work out today. I've been sleeping like Crizzap, and HAD to take a nap after E went home this afternoon.

The good news is, Shannon and I took E up to preschool and got a bunch of prepwork done. I feel pretty darn ready for the kids to come tomorrow! Woot! Oh! And Patrick mailed my sister's surprise this morning. I can't wait for her to get it!

And now...the not so pretty. I may not have exercised, but I had Patrick take my before pictures. This is NOT easy for me. At. All. In fact, I'd really rather post anything BUT my pictures and weight, but I'm serious about making a change this year, and so I'm going to post them. I'm going to post pictures along the way too, but I can't decide if I should do it at certain pound increments (like 10 pounds lost, 20 pounds lost, etc.) or like...monthly? Thoughts?

OK. My starting weight is 211 lbs. I'm only 5'4", so that's WAY too much. The lowest I've EVER weighed as an "adult" was 128, and I was 18 years old. It was actually too thin for my build. Now that I'm 20 years older, and have had a child, I would be deliriously happy to weigh 145. I guess that means I need to lose 66 lbs. Ouch. The way I'm choosing to look at this is: the is the most I will EVER weigh again.





I pretty much hate looking at those pictures. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. But it is what it is...and all I can do is start fixing it. And so, off I go.

First steps

I accomplished pretty much everything I wanted to today. Really, the only thing that I didn't completely finish was my sister's surprise. I need to write a letter to include with it, and then box it up to mail on Monday. (I did stop by the PO and get a box though...woot!)

I got back into my Wii Active 30 day Challenge today. On the days it gives me "off," I'll either do our elliptical, yoga, or pilates. I keep hearing about the 30 Day Shred, and would love to try it...but I don't have it...so, this will have to do, lol! The Wii Active lady kept pissing me off tonight though. I would be doing exactly the right thing and it'd say I was going too slow, or something. I was like "what the heck?!?" Maybe my sensor was in the wrong place or something. But geez...don't yell at me when I'm finally trying to do the right thing! ;-)

I have been sleeping SO terribly the past few days. Literally, lying awake ALL night, and then wanting to sleep all morning. Finally yesterday and today, I'm forcing myself back into a normal schedule. The good news? Tonight, I'm tired! Hopefully this will be the night that I sleep all night, and wake up raring to go. If nothing else, I will be watching E on Monday and then go back to work on Tuesday. That will get me back on track.

It was super freezing today. (Well, for Atlanta, lol.) The warmest I ever saw it was 34 degrees, and it was WINDY. Brrrr! I actually saw a chance of snow in our forecast later this week. Please, oh please, oh please! Let it snow!

OK. I'm gonna go snuggle up with Patrick and finish this movie and then try to SLEEP! More tomorrow.